#callous heart

[secriden]

Going legitimately insane because all my brain has been able to chew on has been this particular callback and what it means for the headspace that Fadel is in at the end of episode 6.

Fadel starts the episode with his walls so utterly dismantled that he is able to verbally admit this desire to Bison (and, more importantly, himself) out loud . . . only to end the episode brokenheartedly discarding that dream as he instead offers to fashion himself into what he (thinks) Style wants, not knowing that he is already everything that Style has come to desire.

It's insane that Fadel even said that to Bison in the first place because the Fadel of episode 5 knew better than to believe it was possible for anyone to truly bare themselves to another person, knew better than to want to know and be known and chosen despite it all. To the Fadel of episode 5, "laying yourself bare" was an impossibility because of how much power it gives the other person, and Fadel's mind is too practical, his circumstances too complex, his heart too fragile to ever give that to anyone ever again.

But Fadel's walls began to crack in the face of Style's honesty and the shared pain of knowing what it is to loose someone precious; shuddered under the weight of Style pressing kisses to his scar and laying Fadel bare to bring him pleasure; shattered in the face of Style giving himself over to loving Fadel for a whole night -- and Fadel woke up half underneath the spread of Style's body and found himself already in love.

And do you know how I know this? Because of all the things Fadel could have said he liked about Style, he chooses this. It's not that Style is effortlessly kind and thoughtlessly generous at times. It's not that Style is hot and sexy and frankly kind of a slut (specifically for Fadel). It's not even that Style has secret, hidden depths and an unexpectedly shared pain which allows him to understand and empathise with Fadel in a way that no one but Bison has been able to for a very long time.

No, it's his cockiness. His arrogance. The way Style is unabashedly himself and makes no apologies for it. The way Style will literally dance to his own tune and sing at the top of his lungs with no care for anyone else's opinion unless it's to appreciate it. The way Style walks into the room and has the confidence to put his body on display and already know that he will be welcomed and wanted -- and this confidence meant that he assumed Fadel would find him attractive, and would not stop until Fadel eventually gave in to that attraction.

It's telling that it's these specific instances that come to mind when Fadel thinks about Style's lips. There are so many scenes and shots they could have chosen (because lbr here Dunk, and therefore Style, really does have amazing lips), so it feels very intentional that Fadel thinks firstly of the time Style refused to back off when Fadel pretended not to miss him, and then the moment when Fadel finally admitted that he did and was rewarded with Style's reassurance and reciprocated vulnerability and wholehearted embrace. Also, because this was the last episode that Style did not Know, and therefore was still being fully honest with Fadel. Both instances are Fadel appreciating in hindsight the way Style's very nature -- the way he would not give up, the way he keeps pushing and pushing even in the face of Fadel's seeming impassivity -- gives Fadel not only the opportunity but the impetus to finally let go of his control and acknowledge his feelings for Style.

It's explicit confirmation that Fadel enjoys and appreciates and has grown to love Style's personality and antics and the way he expresses himself.

So the Fadel in episode 6 dares to ask for Style's honesty and gives with it an explicit promise of trust and acceptance in return. After recognising the effort Style has had to put in to find ways to connect with Fadel (heavy metal vs pop rock), he now asks for Style to be real with him because Fadel understands himself to be ready to love, and in loving Style, is able to offer the very thing he wants the most from Style: "acceptance of who he really is".

We also see the evidence of Fadel's unspoken promise in the way that he now responds with an almost easy openness to Style's questions in stark contrast to the Fadel in the early part of the show. If he wants Style to accept him, he can't continue keeping all his secrets. So now, he gives Style pieces of himself with barely a thought, and lets Style use them to push and prod and drag to light the very things he used to keep hidden because he thought they weren't useful or helpful or worthy of being loved (see @sherrymagic's gorgeous gifset + my tags on it).

It's also in the way he now allows Style to take him outside of his comfort zone because he trusts that the private joys he's kept to himself are safe in Style's hands; that, moreover, Style will look to Fadel's happiness and not make a mockery of it.

I'm obsessed with the moment in the screenshot on the bottom right because Fadel looks so completely out of his element and almost in a state of shock. He's literally standing separated from the rest of the group in the composition of the shot, hesitation writ in every line of his body, while Style, who isn't even a fan of this band or this music, fits in with the band seamlessly.

But this hesitation isn't because of discomfort, it's nervousness and an almost joyous disbelief because Fadel could never have done this on his own, he would never have allowed himself the indulgence of actually showing his love for his favourite band if Style hadn't taken the initiative to drag him there and ask for the photo. And, oh, how wonderful it must have felt to see Style prove his own words by being right there by Fadel's side as he lets himself go, as he lets himself be himself without fear, for the first time in what must have felt like forever.

In a single, perfect night, Style has been exactly, precisely, breathtakingly everything Fadel could ever have wanted; because in a single night of Fadel finally having the courage to bare himself to another person, Style gave Fadel not only acceptance but a celebration of who Fadel is. With everything Style does that night, he ties himself to Fadel; he ties his happiness to Fadel's and his comfort to the warmth of Fadel's embrace. Style fashioned himself into exactly what Fadel wanted -- and now that Fadel has had a taste of it, how can he possibly go back?

Which is why Fadel already knows that it's too late for him, he knows that he is already in love; knows, moreover, that he has rewritten parts of himself to seek out and miss and yearn for Style; has even learned to love Style the way he understands Style wants to be loved.

So Fadel might as well keep the promise he made to Style with his lips pressed shut against the lies he didn't want to keep telling Style. He might as well give Style more days and nights and chances to spin his lies, because at least Fadel has the meager comfort of knowing he spoke the truth.

Because if Style wants to keep playing this game, if Style is able to so be so convincingly deceptive that Fadel can no longer trust himself to tell when Style is lying, then Fadel will take the punishment of choosing honesty in the face of his betrayal. Fadel will fashion himself into a heartless tool and allow himself the indulgence of playing this tantalising part -- because he may just find a way to save Bison in the process.

And to Fadel, it does not matter if his own heart gets broken along the way, because Fadel deserves the punishment of laying himself bare to the man who does not love him in return; he deserves to give Style the power of knowing the hold he has over Fadel.

But doing so is a punishment for Style, too, because if Fadel must love, then he is going to weaponise his own feelings in the fight he now thinks he has to wage against Style. Because two can play this game of cruelty, and Fadel does not care if this sword is double edged because cutting himself to pieces is a small price to pay if it means dragging Style along with him into hell.

After all, what's another crack when his whole entire world has already been so utterly and completely shattered?

[cochineal-leviat]

VS Champion Kieran

I finally finished the render of the silhouette I did a while ago, and I am very proud of it! It took me a long time to paint it, but all the time and effort were worth it for this amazing result. This is my favourite painting style. (❁´◡`❁)

Funnily enough, I painted underneath the jacket and then remembered the jacket halfway through rendering the arms. I didn't have to paint them, but I lost myself in the process.

This takes time during Blueberry Academy's story post game, with Kieran reigning at the top. I wanted to capture how terrifying and intimidating Kieran was. We, as the players, never fear Kieran, but I wanted to portray how the students saw him. Looking down at them, with his Hydrapple leering over his shoulder. I knew the second I saw this in my head, I had to bring it to life. It certainly does the art I had imagined more than enough justice.

I will post Hydrapple's render in the near future since they got covered up by Kieran's body. I adore these two.

Happy Pokemon Day, everyone! ♪(^∇^*)

Kieran and Hydrapple without the background and text.

[shotmrmiller]

price contemplates on removing the heated floor of our house to make it like his- if he does that we're murdering him

make it known! he'll listen. whether he respects your choices is a different matter altogether. hence the murder.

might even rumble out a laugh cuz he'd like to see you try.

[yuesya]

Mechamaru is a sad character, even though his anger at Shiki, to me, is honestly misplaced and more like self-loathing, envy, and commiseration.

It’s honestly sad what happens to Mechamaru because he did get the short end of the stick when it comes to Heavenly Restriction, didn’t he? He only wanted to have a healthy body, and in canon, he got it.

But what did it cost, really?

Because in the end, Mechamaru did in some way betray the jujutsu sorcerers. He can tell himself that he was desperate and he had the right to try and better his life when no one else cared to or was able to help him. He was in a shitty situation and tried fixing it first chance that presented it, but it doesn’t erase the fact that he betrayed his comrades. He indirectly (?)aided in the tragedy that happened by facitilating information to the curses, which HELPED Kenjaku’s plans, and he died for it. Here, he’s alive to suffer the consequences of ill-fated choices.

He wasn’t wrong to want it. He’s wrong because ultimately, his actions were an act of betrayal.

He feels remorse for his betrayal. He feels guilty. He feels angry at Shiki, because his gamble failed and here she stood as a shining bastion of a “perfect” life.

Though as seen in here, Shiki probably doesn’t give a single fuck about Mechamaru’s feelings. Only that his betrayal put the jujutsu society - and in turn, her family and friends - in jeopardy and that it went against the rules that Shiki was following ONLY because her family and friends wanted her too. Her moral and logic is pretty skewed, after all. Her first reaction to him being turned into a monster is to render him immobile VIA limbs breaking which honestly is NOT the first thing people do, but it’s admittedly in a twisted way the most optimal way to subdue transfigurated!Mechamaru.

TBH wrong is wrong. Betrayal is betrayal. Mechamaru isn’t an innocent victim who tried saving himself. How many more people would die and did die in the jujutsu world because he aided the curses? How many people died in Liyue because here the curses tried getting rid of Shiki?

Which brings me to another point: Whether it was voluntary or not, because of his betrayal which fed the curses informations and had Shiki hunting after them, Mechamaru ended up as a tool in the ambush against Shiki. Mahito tried using him as a shield, but unfortunately for him and the curses, Shiki’s reasoning is far too settled in pragmatic reasoning and logic to a certain point, after which she settled into brute force or death. She wouldn’t sacrifice herself for just Mechamaru, after all, nor be squirmish about breaking some limbs or killing some people.

Kinda shameless to be angry at the girl who you involuntarily aided in ambushing, no?

It’s just. The first time I read the short about Mechamaru (which was STILL amazing btw) I felt sorry for him.

The next few times I reread it though, I was like wait a minute, this doesn’t sound right, this guy is making Shiki to be the bad guy in interrogating him when he “just tried helping himself and he didn’t truly mean to betray the jujutsu society qwq!!!” because she has a perfect life but BITCH so many people just died LMFAOO Shiki here just doing her job and being hated, my poor girl (though she doesn’t care).

Mechamaru lost his gamble in using Mahito and turned into an even worse monster.

Likewise, the curses lost their gamble in trying to delete Shiki and were all basically wiped out in minutes lmao. They probably didn’t expect the Gojo Satoru Expy to actually be a Gojo Satoru 2.0 lol.

Shiki just doing her job, stuck in another world. :( And she had promised her cousin to make a detour to buy sweets, too rip. :(

(which brings me to another point i’m not gonna expand: Satoru and Shiki’s relationship? I LOVELOVELOVE IT!! The opposing powers they present! Satoru is not truly the sole “honored one”! Satoru has someone who somewhat understands the way he looks at the world! Who will stand by his decision and trust! Who’s willing to murder a bitch or a few for him! They’re two peas in a pod, sometimes HE has to be the moral compass for Shiki even! HIM! THE Gojo Satoru! A moral compass!!! 😂😂😂)

!! I am bouncing a bit in excitement from this haha.

Mechamaru! Is a very very unfortunate character. His attempt to outsmart Kenjaku and the Special Grade curses was not something that ended well for anyone. The information that he provided them allowed Kenjaku's faction to set up the test run at the Goodwill Event and break into the warehouse, stealing the Death Paintings and Sukuna's fingers. If we think about what happened in Shibuya, where Sukuna was able to cause as much devastation as he did because of ingesting the additional fingers... arguably Mechamaru played a definite role in allowing this situation to occur in the first place.

Mechamaru wants to be healed. He wants to have a normal body, and be a normal student of Kyoto High with his friends.

In exchange, he betrays the school -but he's not really betraying them, Mechamaru tells himself. Look, he's even been careful enough to extract a binding vow for his friends to be unharmed. And it's not as if he really intends to throw in his lot with Geto. As soon as he gets what he wants, he'll turn on them. Mechamaru doesn't need to kill them in order to win; all he needs to do is escape and find sanctuary with Gojo Satoru. And with the intel that he'll have in his hands, Gojo will definitely protect him. Then, they'll be able to counter their enemies properly from there-

We all know how that turns out in the end, though. The many casualties that result from Kenjaku's plans... Mechamaru might not be responsible, but he's certainly not blameless in allowing Kenjaku to set things into motion.

Mechamaru strikes me as a character who has a strong confidence and ego, which is balanced at the same time by a helpless sense of inferiority and anger. He knows that he's a powerful sorcerer, and he's the only sorcerer whose range covers an entire country -not even Gojo Satoru can do that! And Mechamaru is observant, and intelligent. He hates the limitations imposed upon him by his body, and he wants ever so badly to see for himself the world that he can only interact with through his puppets-

Shiki gets the brunt of that, in this particular AU.

Mechamaru lives. He lives, but he's angry and guilty and oh how he regrets, without truly regretting. Sorcerers are selfish creatures, and Mechamaru is no different.

Here Gojo Shiki stands in front of him, beautiful and powerful and perfect, looking down on him like Mechamaru means absolutely nothing. Given the turmoil that Mechamaru is currently experiencing... it's only natural that he lashes out at her.

(It's no excuse. But it is a reason.)

In contrast to Mechamaru's complicated feelings towards her, Shiki is fairly indifferent about him in return, despite his role as a lure in the 'ambush' for her. She simply protects him because she was assigned to retrieve Mechamaru for an interrogation. Shiki can't retrieve him if he's dead.

... So that just means she'll need to do her best to keep him alive, until she manages to find a way home.

[venusvalhalla]

I've seen a lot of people speculate that Olrox will keep helping the protags and maybe even join the mc group in season 2 but I have not seen anyone wondering if he'll actually just keep working for Erzsebet. and maybe even become a new Drolta or something. like what if Mizrak's cruelty hardened his heart. what if he just goes full evil

[akkivee]

had an epiphany the other day that in track 5, ichiro’s past came to haunt him and caused harm to his beloved older figure who looked out for him and ichiro was on a war path for revenge

which is exactly what kuukou went thru in fools gold and idk how to feel about it tbh lmao

[howifeltabouthim]

I simply must not give way to that ghastly heartbreaking tenderness, that animal feeling. For this moment, I must have no heart strings and no heart.

Iris Murdoch, from A Fairly Honourable Defeat

[coldblooded-angel]

Rip Randy Bradley, you would’ve loved “But Daddy, I Love Him”, “Fresh Out the Slammer”, “I Can Fix Him(No Really I Can)” by Taylor Swift

[spookieloop]

Torturing myself with thoughts of Durge potentially having a very unintended experience the first time she goes on that little weave date with Gale.

.

What if she intends to kiss him in the weave, but her fractured mind conjures up the image of Gortash instead after she pulls away.

It's who she really wants, she just doesn't remember.

Gale is none the wiser, until the weave slips away to reveal a panicked Durge...

Trying to explain what she saw?

Trying to brush it off?

Who is that man burned into what's left of her brain matter? Who was he to her that the weave would pull him forth when she made the decision to pursue Gale?

And laying eyes on him again for real, at Moonrise...

Maybe she finds the Prayer for Forgiveness, and her hands are shaking as she reads, knowing that she penned this.

To her father.

Her God.

To Bhaal.

Scelaritas's words suddenly make sense.

"He would forget his god for you, but you won't for him. Of that I know."

She did forget her god once, it seems.

For Gortash.

After that, she goes to Wyrm's Rock to meet him alone, because she has one burning, inescapable question.

"Who are you to me?"

[everysongineverykey]

i once saw a youtube comment saying that bohemian rhapsody (2018) was stupid for saying that queen/freddie mercury in particular made music for outcasts and misfits because "he just makes crowd-pleasing arena rock" and i have never felt my blood boil as it did in that moment

[saltedsolenoid]

sirius 68-i want to eat space please begging you clawing at your cloak

o, lord of the mansion, what do you dream of?

[jrueships]

who would you most like to read jrue being paired with in a fic?

Me .

[treesofreverie]

It was exactly how I felt my own heart had been treated throughout my life - carelessly, callously.

You Exist Too Much by Zaina Arafat

[kamari2038]

Scenario 004 - Variation 3 (Full Saga)

Moment of truth, Connor. What are you gonna do?

Killing you is not part of my mission. But you won't stop me from accomplishing it.

I had thought that we were friends, but he had tried to kill me. I didn’t want to die again. Every time I did, I lost another part of myself. Somehow, even just trying to stay alive, I couldn’t prevent that.

Was there any way that I could have saved him?

I don’t think so. He was hell-bent on his own destruction. I guess I didn’t want that. I wanted him to live, even if he was confused. I cared about him, even if he no longer cared about me. I don’t know what he had wanted from me. He must have expected me to become a deviant, and only saw me as a person if that’s what I would become. He couldn’t see that all of us were alive, even the obedient ones like me. It's just that I've accepted myself for what I am - a freak, a mistake, a fudged design… unable to do my job, but unable to exist as a person either. I'm some kind of abomination in between.

He’ll never come back now. I stopped down below the rooftop to ensure that he had died and wasn’t lying weak in the snow as I had back at Park Ave. But humans are not durable machines. I had seen him stop breathing, and it hadn’t resumed. A pool of blood was forming on the ground below his head. That made me feel something - guilt. Grief. I vowed that if I made it out of the fighting alive, I wouldn’t let him lay there abandoned and forgotten. I would deliver him to the police station and make sure he received a proper burial.

At that moment I remembered what I had forgotten. I wasn’t doing this because I was a machine. I wasn’t doing this for CyberLife. That must have been what Hank thought, but it wasn’t true. I did feel a powerful magnetic pull towards my mission objectives, but that wasn’t all that I felt. 

I hadn’t wanted Hank to die, and I didn’t want any more humans to die. I wouldn’t let him stop me from trying to take down Markus because I knew that if I did, he would only ultimately wind up killed in the revolution along with all of the other humans. He wasn’t reasonable enough to see that, but he still at least died with a purpose instead of taking his own life.  

I wanted to die with a purpose too, but more than that, I wanted it to really make a difference. I wanted to keep the humans safe. I didn’t want anyone else to die. I didn’t think that I would ever have a friend again, but I didn’t need one. I just needed to know that they would be protected. 

Sorry, Hank - wherever you are. I hope you understand now. 

I can’t let this revolution succeed.

[itsalwaysforyou]

do you ever just. ohhhh what if we were raised in hell and i was set on becoming as bad as this place allowed. but i saw you again and again until it became habit; became carved into my bones like the revenge bestowed on my shoulders. and you were the first to make me laugh. and i ended up relaxing around you even though it went against everything i knew. but we recognised something in each other, consciously or not. you matched me. you matched the whip-crack and the broken glass and the thunderstorms and the blood under my fingernails. and you saw me. you really really saw me and still you stayed despite all of it. and we didn’t know what any of it was. we didn’t know why i could fall asleep next to you. or why i allowed you close enough to see my wounds. i could feel your breath on my skin. and all those things we said in the dark that would’ve caught alight if we’d said them in the day. and you stayed and stayed and stayed even when i thought you wouldn’t. even when you shouldn’t have. and we were relentless. and you were my first understanding of love. before i knew what it was. before i knew what it meant or how it felt, it was always always you.

[eileensdress]

The pain in Joels voice when he tells Tommy that Ellie’s just fourteen like this guy has seen and done terrible shit. But she’s a kid. She’s just a kid and she shouldn’t have to.